Alternative Fashion Fest (Ireland) - Introducing: Rebelle Haze

As part of the build up to the Alternative Fashion Fest to be held in Dublin on 22 July 2016, I shall be interviewing various people from the alt scene in this country. 

Boy oh boy, what better way to start off the series, than introducing you all to the force of nature that is the inimitable Rebelle Hayes!

Courtesy of Boudoir Girls - make up artist: Colette

Please describe yourself and what you do, for people who don't know - what do you most want others to know about you?

My name is Rebelle and I’m a 28 year old fierce, fat, feminist with a love of all things glitter. I have multiple tattoos and piercings but not nearly as many as I’d like. My body canvas is a work in progress. I’m a mental health advocate, body positive activist, blogger, writer, plus model, cruelty free beauty enthusiast and generally busy, shiny happy glitter fairy. 

It's been two years since your first blog - would you have believed you'd be where you are now, at the time you started out?

Absolutely not! My God, when I started I did it quietly and didn’t even let people know I was writing because I was so afraid of criticism and thought I couldn’t possibly compete with the wealth of talented bloggers out there. Thankfully I got a bit braver and just went for it and people responded really positively to that bravery. For whatever reason, people seem to be really positive towards me, my blog and my messages of self love. Of course I still get bitchiness and negativity, but that’s to be expected for anyone who puts themselves out there. But frankly I’m not in it for the negativity. If you can’t be nice, frankly you can f*ck off! 

You're very highly qualified in sexual health and have worked with various groups encouraging young people to be more relaxed about sexuality, etc. What was the driving force behind this?

Would you believe, it started very young. I was quite fortunate to be brought up in a home that was very open in terms of discussing bodies, bodily functions, sex and sexuality. Obviously it was all age appropriate, but no subject was taboo. Naturally this meant that I was very open and comfortable talking all things sex and body related, but soon discovered that not everyone felt the same as I did. I was once removed from a Sex Ed class in my school for querying why we weren’t going to cover contraceptives and STD’s. Half my class were already shagging, or at least claimed they were, so I thought this was the important sh*t they needed to know. Unfortunately my religion teacher did not feel the same, and so I was escorted out the door. 

As I got older I realised that, as a population, we have quite poor sexual health education, and bodily education in general, and that it was a subject people tried to avoid like the plague.  Because I didn’t, it just clicked as something I should do. It fitted me perfectly like my own little niche and I love it. It’s so much fun, teaching people things and making them squirm. It’s also a very vulnerable and raw thing to do, to talk about sex and sensuality.  It’s such an intimate thing to do, so people really have to trust you before they’ll open up properly. 

You were picked on quite badly in school, which must have been traumatic at the time. How did you come to terms with that and develop into the positive, inspiring person you are today?

Yeah, the bullying aspect is never fun. I imagine quite a number of “creatives” are picked on in school because generally we don’t fit in. We’re the fat kids, nerdy kids, queer kids and most likely don’t fit into the “cool” category - and I fit all those criteria.  Plus, I had horrible acne and awful glasses. In fairness it took me quite a few years to “find myself”, if that’s the right term. It sounds a bit wanky but it did take a number of years before I genuinely became comfortable in my own skin. We are really talking the last two or three years, and I’ll be honest, it’s mainly down to seeing other plus bloggers and models out there doing their thing unapologetically and saying "F*ck everyone and their opinions, just be you".  When you surround yourself with that kind of message and eliminate the negative body bashing bullsh*t, it becomes so much easier to be you unapologetically. 

Someone, or some people (I assume "basic bitches", to use a favourite term of yours!) told you that you weren't very good at writing, which obviously is rubbish because you're fantastic. What helped you ignore the negative voices and keep on doing what you're so gifted at?

*Laughs* Would you believe it was an English teacher who told me I was sh*t at writing. Obviously she didn’t use the word "sh*t", that would have been way harsh on a teenager, but nonetheless her words were less than encouraging. Because it was something I had wanted to do since I was tiny, I just decided to do it. I mean when I was a kid I would write out these stories that nobody ever read, and as a teenager I would write out my own sad "lil" erotica stories. Again, nobody ever read them, but it was a fun hobby to have. Even when I started writing, I decided to do it anonymously so that nobody would ever know it was me. However when I got more comfortable with myself I decided to just be brave and put myself out there. Thank f*ck I did - it’s one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made. 

We're both admirers of Doodle Kennelly. Now there's someone who doesn't fit into a mould! I love her rawness. How did you first hear of her (I heard of her before I heard of her dad!) and what can people learn from her?

Would you believe I heard of her before her dad too! I remember seeing her in the Sunday Independent magazine, with her long black hair and gorgeous tattoos, talking about the surgery on her arms, and I instantly became obsessed. There was this amazing lady, who was so brave and open about all her “bad stuff”, and I wanted so badly to be as brave as her. Unfortunately my anxiety, lack of self confidence, and fear of what people thought held me back.

However, I got to know Doodle more through social media and we have had a number of conversations. She is so supportive of me and my writing. I consider her my own personal writing mentor, and when I question whether or not I should put something out there I genuinely think to myself "What would Doodle do?".  Which means I end up being brave, vulnerable and honest in some of my posts because that is most certainly what she would do. 

Tell us about the impact Tess Holliday had on you. From feeling that you had to cover up your body, to realising you were beautiful, that you were damn sexy, and becoming a model?

The fist time I encountered Tess Holliday was on Facebook. My initial reaction was not a good one. I was so full of self loathing and negativity that I could not see the beauty in her. I couldn’t believe how she was just able to show off her body the way she did - and this was in her early days just going sleeveless! But the more I looked at her and watched her, the more I fell in love. I realised that my negative reaction was not my own, but the voices of all the people who had told me awful things, and the body bashing I had seen in mainstream media. 

She was the personification of what I wanted to look like but was never brave enough to be. I mean imagine getting your wobbly upper arms out in public for people to see - sure you couldn’t be doing that sort of thing!  It was a gradual process, but thanks to her I started to care less about what people thought of my fat body, and started to wear clothes I wanted to wear.  I wore things I wanted to instead of hiding away, completely afraid that people would know I was fat - as if being a fat person was the worst thing I could be. When I discovered Tees, I had started to accept my face more, but my body was another story. 

I can pinpoint the day I fell in love with my body - it was the day I did a photo shoot with Natalie from Boudoir Girls in Galway.  She was the one who encouraged me to pose naked. The night before the shoot I wanted to be sick - the thoughts of getting naked in front of another person and showing off my wobbly bits and back fat made me want to curl up in a ball. Natalie was so lovely and easy going - before I knew it I was naked and laying on a duvet having a chat and giggle and being photographed. I felt amazing!! When I got the pictures back I loved them so much I decided that it would be a complete shame not to do more modelling work. 

I was surprised to hear the amount of rude questions and comments you've described receiving, regarding your tattoos. I don't have any myself but I like them on other people and it baffled me that people would have such a problem with them. Do you think Ireland is more conservative than the UK with regard to this? Does it come down to having a problem with people looking "different"?

I’m not sure what it is to be honest. I’d like to say it’s a generational thing but more often or not it’s little old ladies that compliment my tattoos, and they tell me about how they wish they had been braver when they were younger. For some people, tattoos will always be disgusting, and for those people there will be no way of convincing them otherwise. At the same time, why would you want to. If someone doesn’t like tattoos, that’s their business.  

I wouldn’t think Ireland is more conservative than the UK or any other European country - what doesn’t help though are the number of “shocking” tattoo TV programmes, where someone with a god-awful tattoo they got on a holiday, most likely while drunk, comes on and discusses how much they hate it. Or someone hailed as a role model comes on screen saying that we should appreciate our bodies and never do such awful things to our skin. People are always going to have opinions and if you are very concerned about the opinions of others, then maybe getting a tattoo isn’t for you. I love my tattoos - each one is a piece of art I get to wear on my body for the rest of my life. A lot of time, effort, pain, skill and money went into each one, and all of those factors far outweigh the passing comments of strangers or keyboard warriors. While they’re bitching about my ink, they are giving some other misfortunate person a break from their torment.  

What's the main advice you'd give to people suffering from low self esteem but wanting to make their mark on the world?

Stop it as soon as possible! I have very few regrets in this world but I do regret that I hated myself for so long. Punishing a body I loathed with self harming, fad diets, bingeing, purging and all of the emotional torment that goes with it. I wish I had been braver.  I wish I had more faith in myself and more love for myself to say “It’s okay and you’re okay”. I placed very little value on myself and allowed people to treat me as "less than", because I never saw myself as having value. Whoever you are and wherever you are, you are a f**king amazing human being. You are here and you are alive - you have more potential than you ever believe you could have! 

I am the product of a  home full of domestic violence, alcoholism and poverty – but I am here and I am doing this because I just decided! I’m not special. I don’t have anything any different than you - I just took a chance on myself and it paid off. So pretty please, the world needs more positive people; it needs more voices telling their stories. More people need to know it’s okay to be yourself. People need to know it’s not all sunshine and roses, and that some days are shit - but that shit gets better. How are people ever going to know that if you don’t share your story? When I doubt myself and what I’m doing, I read back over the wonderful comments I’ve gotten from people, throw on Emile Sande and carry on kicking ass. Read all about it is one of my favourite motivational songs: You've got the words to change a nation. But you're biting your tongue. You've spent a life time stuck in silence. Afraid you'll say something wrong. If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?

What are your thoughts on the" alternative" scene in Ireland and how do you think the Alternative Fashion Fest will be received?

I’ll be honest - I’m a bit behind on all Irish scenes - particularly the alt scene. I look at the UK and sigh at the amount of plus size and alternative events that they have, and I feel like Ireland is a little behind. I do think things are getting better, and through blogging I have found quite a few alt people in Limerick, and we have bonded over a love of all things weird and wonderful. I hope Alternative Fashion Fest sparks a movement in Ireland, I really do. I would love to see a culture where people are just cool with how others want to be, and everyone’s difference is celebrated. I want to see more people loving themselves and their bodies. I want to open an article and see a fat tattooed babe rocking an awesome outfit - because that is an image I never saw as an awkward teenager, and I wish I had, because it would have helped me love myself more. 

I think we need more accurate representation of people of all shapes, sizes, colours, abilities, tattooed, untattooed, hairy, bald, f*ck it, just as many “other” people as you can think of. We’ve all seen the perfect specimens - we know what they look like. Now is the time for diversity in society and to show people it’s okay to look like you - whatever version of you that you want to be. I’m so excited for Alternative Fashion Fest, I really am. 

What are your hopes for the future?

You know what, I have been so surprised by the outpouring of love and support I’ve had since I’ve started blogging. Rebelle-ution is only a year old and I’ve been so fortunate with the positivity I have received. I would love that to continue! The ultimate goal would be to make this my full time job - imagine being paid to tell people they are f*cking awesome all day long! Oh, and to have my own book published - that’s when I’ll know I’ve made it! When someone decides they love what I do so much that they are willing to let me have my own book. 

Those are pipe dreams though - for now I’m elated to have my own little corner of the internet so share my feminist rantings, ravings, glittery unicorn moments, anxiety meltdowns and dating disasters with people. It keeps me sane-ish. So for as long as the world needs it, I will be right here - a little body positive super hero - fighting body bashing and telling people that they are amazing, and telling Basics to go and f*ck off!

Apologies, Trek4life and Other Musings

Apologies for the rather haphazard posting on social media lately, and lack of interaction etc, but a family crisis recently has left me absolutely exhausted mentally and physically, and only able to do a fraction of the work and interactions I'd normally carry out.

Basically my father was rushed to hospital with a nasty bout of pneumonia two weeks ago, and as he is the main carer of my mother, who has dementia, I had to rush over there and care for her (I'm an only child) for nearly two weeks, meaning my children had to stay with their dad, and I had to take time off from my "day" job, and partially from my Alternative Fashion Fest work. I've been doing what I can, when I can, and work has been a good distraction actually, but just wanted to let you know that there is a good reason for my engagement being quite sporadic.

Yesterday was my first day back at work (St Vincent De Paul, who have been lovely and very supportive), and seeing the kids again. My mother was supposed to have gone into respite last Friday so my father could rest, but she point blank refuses to go (Friday was a particularly horrific day to be honest), her brain no longer being wired to comprehend the need, and I could not stay any longer due to my home and work responsibilities, so the health care team and my father are having to look at other options for support. He does, however, have friends who are being very helpful, so for that we're grateful. His health though, continues to be a worry, and decisions will have to be made regarding the future.

Sunday's #Trek4Life, was something I booked for in the middle of all this, determined that it would be a worthwhile event to go to, given that it was for charity (The Irish Cancer Society), promised to be inspiring, and also many people I follow on Twitter would be there. When there I didn't really have the energy to "network" or take pictures, but I was certainly delighted I went.

It certainly delivered on that promise, and Kelly Donegan and Jessica Banaghan did a fantastic job of organising it. Harry's On The Green were the perfect hosts, and I was raving to anyone who would listen, about their chips - honestly the best I've ever tasted (and I've been on this earth 41 years!).

All of the speakers were fabulous (I must mention Ciamh McGrory of Insight PR who helped me retrieve this blog post after a technical hitch!) and there were many laugh out loud moments, not least from Andrea Smith. Andrea, being in the same decade of life as me, and having the same "I've been at the bottom so the only way is up" attitude, was probably the speaker I identified with the most, and took the most from. I looked at her fabulously coloured hair, and admired her attitude and joie de vivre, and thought she would be fabulous in our Alternative Fashion Fest. The lovely ladies at my table (very friendly) said I should approach her and ask her, but I felt it rather gauche, meeting someone only for the first time, and asking them something like that, when they don't know me from Adam.

I had spotted a beautiful young lady there and thought "she must be a model or something - she's unfeasibly beautiful". Well, yes, it turned out she was - Laura O'Grady - so, understatement of the year from me there!

That gives you an example of how out of touch I am - I'd never seen any of the people there on TV, and until starting to do work for the Alternative Fashion Fest, I had no idea of who many of them were, or how well-known they were in Dublin or elsewhere in this country, because apart from comedy shows and the odd US drama, and of course CBBC, thanks to my children, I don't watch much TV except when in my parents, and that keeps me out of the loop a lot. Regarding fashion, I'll read the odd article, but ultimately will wear or buy something according to whether I like it or not, rather than whether it's "on trend".

If I were working on a mainstream fashion show, I'd say I was probably the last person who should be doing it. But given that it's alternative, and my contribution to being "alternative" is that I'm older (41), short (5' 2"), sort of curvy at size 12-14, you're more likely to find me reading Thomas Sheridan's latest post than Vogue, and I'm living life on my own terms as much as I can. I've shown I'm not afraid to be me, and feck what the begrudgers say. I hope the alt people will embrace me as even partly one of their own.

Having said all that though, I'm really enjoying reading other people's blogs in the mainstream too, and seeing what everyone is up to. I still like to try to look pretty, so of course I'm interested in certain make-up products etc, and pretty clothes. I've kind of missed that actually, over the past few years, so it's been really nice to dip in.

Anyway, please bear with me - I will catch up as and when I can, on everything, and be back to full productivity when I can. Keep your eye out for a series of interviews with Irish alternative models on this blog, for a start. Keep well everyone, and thanks to all who've supported us at Alternative Fashion Fest, and what we're trying to do.

"Selling" a Brand or Event - My Baptism of Fire

There are many experts on marketing - some really do know what they are talking about, like Jonathan and Susanna from The Social Ms, Samantha Kelly (Tweeting Goddess), or Ted Rubin (whose philosophy I had before being introduced to him, but I didn't have a term for it). Some, however, as evidenced from, say, their Twitter profiles, could do with a few lessons themselves, in my layperson's opinion.

I wouldn't dream of calling myself any kind of expert on anything - all I can do is tell you what my own thoughts are, and what I've experienced, regarding trying to get something off the ground, or even just from my own experiences on personal social media accounts. Some of you may agree with me and some may not.

For a start, I have NO formal marketing qualifications, that's right, zilch. I did my Leaving Cert and then a year of secretarial college (I don't think those kinds of courses even exist now - at 41, I'm that old!). Anything I've learned is from work experience and having an interest in the way stories are presented, in psychology, and in what really goes on behind the scenes. I did work in a marketing company, and got to sit in on a few brainstorming meetings, but basically I was an administrator / secretary. I was offered the chance to change to the marketing team but turned it down, feeling at the time that I wasn't outgoing enough. Sometimes I wonder about what might have been, but everything happens for a reason and it just wasn't right for me.

Besides, I can only promote something if I'm enthusiastic about it myself. Working in a company where I had to promote products or brands I had little or no interest in, or didn't feel any passion about, wouldn't result in me doing a good job of marketing them. I'm just that kind of person.

Nobody likes a pushy sales person, right? Maybe I've just been unlucky, but like many, I've had some quite unpleasant experiences with sales people who just didn't know when to give up when I'd made it clear I wasn't interested in the product. Or sometimes they'd put me off even exploring the product, with their overbearing manner. Similarly, none of us like it when the name of that "friend" who only contacts us when they want something, appears on our caller ID or inbox.

Well, I never wanted to be either of those people, and I still don't. Yes, I have an event to publicise, and try to obtain help for and involvement with. Yes, I've politely emailed companies and asked them. I've tweeted a few companies too. But above all, I believe engagement is key, and giving more than taking, when it comes to social media. Be willing to plug other people. Thank them if and when they do the same for you. Do you know what, I've rarely had to ask anyone for an RT (that's another thing I don't really like doing, not tagging people directly anyway). But I've gotten lots of RTs on the local Alternative Fashion Fest account. Because I've engaged with other people, taken an interest in what they were tweeting about, complimented them (I don't compliment unless I mean it), or thanked them for info or acknowledgement.

The local Alternative Fashion Fest account is slowly building up followers. As to who to follow, and how does one engage, well, being 41, and admittedly, a bit clueless as to who the big shots in the fashion world are, and in particular the alternative fashion world, I did a lot of googling! I looked up who the editors of magazines were, etc. As well as that, I looked up local articles on who were the most influential people on Twitter, the "ones to watch". It was like a spider's web - one bit of it led to another, and went off on different tangents, and I'm still learning.

For instance, the bloggers - I wasn't aware there were so many in Ireland and that they were so important in the industry. Yes, I was that out of touch!

But anyway - engage, engage, engage, and give, give, give. If I said nothing else in this blog, that would be the main message I'd want to get across. Most people are very nice, despite what the doom and gloom merchants say, and they will respond positively. I've been surprised at how delighted some people were when I've shared an article and/or complimented them on it.

Similarly, the beautiful models I've given a plug to on Twitter and/or Instagram - they really do appreciate it. Only one or two failed to acknowledge it, and to be honest, as would be the case with most people, that hasn't gone unnoticed, and it's probably unlikely they'd keep getting plugged by our account. A simple "thank you" is remembered on social media.

Building awareness of a brand, product or event takes time. The temptation is often to go in, hell for leather, and do the hard sell. But speaking as someone who, like most people, has been on the receiving end of such aggressive techniques, that's really not the way to go about things, well, in my opinion. I'm a "gently does it" type of person and I genuinely like chatting with people even if they never did a thing for me and what I'm trying to promote. At least though, they might remember me as a pleasant person on social media and not someone who was badgering them. I'm representing both the Alternative Fashion Fest and myself, and I don't want to let either down. Manners are extremely important.

Perhaps I've just been lucky, but I've found that over the years, the responses I've gotten, even from quite famous people (in the UK, not just Ireland) have been very positive, and I've had lots of follows and interaction on previous personal accounts. I'm not afraid to ask for something if I have to, but I'll do it very politely, and I'll show a genuine interest and concern for the person. People respond to that. Show warmth, always.

Have a goal, yes. For our event, for example, yes we do need a venue, and all that goes along with a charity fashion show including people spreading the word. And we'll get those. But above all, be human, and let people get to know your social media account, as one that is run by nice people. That does more for your brand than you realise.