As part of the build up to the Alternative Fashion Fest to be held in Dublin on 22 July 2016, I shall be interviewing various people from the alt scene in this country.
Boy oh boy, what better way to start off the series, than introducing you all to the force of nature that is the inimitable Rebelle Hayes!
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| Courtesy of Boudoir Girls - make up artist: Colette |
Please describe yourself and what you do, for people who don't know - what do you most want others to know about you?
My name is Rebelle and I’m a 28 year old fierce, fat, feminist with a love of all things glitter. I have multiple tattoos and piercings but not nearly as many as I’d like. My body canvas is a work in progress. I’m a mental health advocate, body positive activist, blogger, writer, plus model, cruelty free beauty enthusiast and generally busy, shiny happy glitter fairy.
It's been two years since your first blog - would you have believed you'd be where you are now, at the time you started out?
Absolutely not! My God, when I started I did it quietly and didn’t even let people know I was writing because I was so afraid of criticism and thought I couldn’t possibly compete with the wealth of talented bloggers out there. Thankfully I got a bit braver and just went for it and people responded really positively to that bravery. For whatever reason, people seem to be really positive towards me, my blog and my messages of self love. Of course I still get bitchiness and negativity, but that’s to be expected for anyone who puts themselves out there. But frankly I’m not in it for the negativity. If you can’t be nice, frankly you can f*ck off!
You're very highly qualified in sexual health and have worked with various groups encouraging young people to be more relaxed about sexuality, etc. What was the driving force behind this?
Would you believe, it started very young. I was quite fortunate to be brought up in a home that was very open in terms of discussing bodies, bodily functions, sex and sexuality. Obviously it was all age appropriate, but no subject was taboo. Naturally this meant that I was very open and comfortable talking all things sex and body related, but soon discovered that not everyone felt the same as I did. I was once removed from a Sex Ed class in my school for querying why we weren’t going to cover contraceptives and STD’s. Half my class were already shagging, or at least claimed they were, so I thought this was the important sh*t they needed to know. Unfortunately my religion teacher did not feel the same, and so I was escorted out the door.
As I got older I realised that, as a population, we have quite poor sexual health education, and bodily education in general, and that it was a subject people tried to avoid like the plague. Because I didn’t, it just clicked as something I should do. It fitted me perfectly like my own little niche and I love it. It’s so much fun, teaching people things and making them squirm. It’s also a very vulnerable and raw thing to do, to talk about sex and sensuality. It’s such an intimate thing to do, so people really have to trust you before they’ll open up properly.
You were picked on quite badly in school, which must have been traumatic at the time. How did you come to terms with that and develop into the positive, inspiring person you are today?
Yeah, the bullying aspect is never fun. I imagine quite a number of “creatives” are picked on in school because generally we don’t fit in. We’re the fat kids, nerdy kids, queer kids and most likely don’t fit into the “cool” category - and I fit all those criteria. Plus, I had horrible acne and awful glasses. In fairness it took me quite a few years to “find myself”, if that’s the right term. It sounds a bit wanky but it did take a number of years before I genuinely became comfortable in my own skin. We are really talking the last two or three years, and I’ll be honest, it’s mainly down to seeing other plus bloggers and models out there doing their thing unapologetically and saying "F*ck everyone and their opinions, just be you". When you surround yourself with that kind of message and eliminate the negative body bashing bullsh*t, it becomes so much easier to be you unapologetically.
Someone, or some people (I assume "basic bitches", to use a favourite term of yours!) told you that you weren't very good at writing, which obviously is rubbish because you're fantastic. What helped you ignore the negative voices and keep on doing what you're so gifted at?
*Laughs* Would you believe it was an English teacher who told me I was sh*t at writing. Obviously she didn’t use the word "sh*t", that would have been way harsh on a teenager, but nonetheless her words were less than encouraging. Because it was something I had wanted to do since I was tiny, I just decided to do it. I mean when I was a kid I would write out these stories that nobody ever read, and as a teenager I would write out my own sad "lil" erotica stories. Again, nobody ever read them, but it was a fun hobby to have. Even when I started writing, I decided to do it anonymously so that nobody would ever know it was me. However when I got more comfortable with myself I decided to just be brave and put myself out there. Thank f*ck I did - it’s one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made.
We're both admirers of Doodle Kennelly. Now there's someone who doesn't fit into a mould! I love her rawness. How did you first hear of her (I heard of her before I heard of her dad!) and what can people learn from her?
Would you believe I heard of her before her dad too! I remember seeing her in the Sunday Independent magazine, with her long black hair and gorgeous tattoos, talking about the surgery on her arms, and I instantly became obsessed. There was this amazing lady, who was so brave and open about all her “bad stuff”, and I wanted so badly to be as brave as her. Unfortunately my anxiety, lack of self confidence, and fear of what people thought held me back.
However, I got to know Doodle more through social media and we have had a number of conversations. She is so supportive of me and my writing. I consider her my own personal writing mentor, and when I question whether or not I should put something out there I genuinely think to myself "What would Doodle do?". Which means I end up being brave, vulnerable and honest in some of my posts because that is most certainly what she would do.
Tell us about the impact Tess Holliday had on you. From feeling that you had to cover up your body, to realising you were beautiful, that you were damn sexy, and becoming a model?
The fist time I encountered Tess Holliday was on Facebook. My initial reaction was not a good one. I was so full of self loathing and negativity that I could not see the beauty in her. I couldn’t believe how she was just able to show off her body the way she did - and this was in her early days just going sleeveless! But the more I looked at her and watched her, the more I fell in love. I realised that my negative reaction was not my own, but the voices of all the people who had told me awful things, and the body bashing I had seen in mainstream media.
She was the personification of what I wanted to look like but was never brave enough to be. I mean imagine getting your wobbly upper arms out in public for people to see - sure you couldn’t be doing that sort of thing! It was a gradual process, but thanks to her I started to care less about what people thought of my fat body, and started to wear clothes I wanted to wear. I wore things I wanted to instead of hiding away, completely afraid that people would know I was fat - as if being a fat person was the worst thing I could be. When I discovered Tees, I had started to accept my face more, but my body was another story.
I can pinpoint the day I fell in love with my body - it was the day I did a photo shoot with Natalie from Boudoir Girls in Galway. She was the one who encouraged me to pose naked. The night before the shoot I wanted to be sick - the thoughts of getting naked in front of another person and showing off my wobbly bits and back fat made me want to curl up in a ball. Natalie was so lovely and easy going - before I knew it I was naked and laying on a duvet having a chat and giggle and being photographed. I felt amazing!! When I got the pictures back I loved them so much I decided that it would be a complete shame not to do more modelling work.
I was surprised to hear the amount of rude questions and comments you've described receiving, regarding your tattoos. I don't have any myself but I like them on other people and it baffled me that people would have such a problem with them. Do you think Ireland is more conservative than the UK with regard to this? Does it come down to having a problem with people looking "different"?
I’m not sure what it is to be honest. I’d like to say it’s a generational thing but more often or not it’s little old ladies that compliment my tattoos, and they tell me about how they wish they had been braver when they were younger. For some people, tattoos will always be disgusting, and for those people there will be no way of convincing them otherwise. At the same time, why would you want to. If someone doesn’t like tattoos, that’s their business.
I wouldn’t think Ireland is more conservative than the UK or any other European country - what doesn’t help though are the number of “shocking” tattoo TV programmes, where someone with a god-awful tattoo they got on a holiday, most likely while drunk, comes on and discusses how much they hate it. Or someone hailed as a role model comes on screen saying that we should appreciate our bodies and never do such awful things to our skin. People are always going to have opinions and if you are very concerned about the opinions of others, then maybe getting a tattoo isn’t for you. I love my tattoos - each one is a piece of art I get to wear on my body for the rest of my life. A lot of time, effort, pain, skill and money went into each one, and all of those factors far outweigh the passing comments of strangers or keyboard warriors. While they’re bitching about my ink, they are giving some other misfortunate person a break from their torment.
What's the main advice you'd give to people suffering from low self esteem but wanting to make their mark on the world?
Stop it as soon as possible! I have very few regrets in this world but I do regret that I hated myself for so long. Punishing a body I loathed with self harming, fad diets, bingeing, purging and all of the emotional torment that goes with it. I wish I had been braver. I wish I had more faith in myself and more love for myself to say “It’s okay and you’re okay”. I placed very little value on myself and allowed people to treat me as "less than", because I never saw myself as having value. Whoever you are and wherever you are, you are a f**king amazing human being. You are here and you are alive - you have more potential than you ever believe you could have!
I am the product of a home full of domestic violence, alcoholism and poverty – but I am here and I am doing this because I just decided! I’m not special. I don’t have anything any different than you - I just took a chance on myself and it paid off. So pretty please, the world needs more positive people; it needs more voices telling their stories. More people need to know it’s okay to be yourself. People need to know it’s not all sunshine and roses, and that some days are shit - but that shit gets better. How are people ever going to know that if you don’t share your story? When I doubt myself and what I’m doing, I read back over the wonderful comments I’ve gotten from people, throw on Emile Sande and carry on kicking ass. Read all about it is one of my favourite motivational songs: You've got the words to change a nation. But you're biting your tongue. You've spent a life time stuck in silence. Afraid you'll say something wrong. If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
What are your thoughts on the" alternative" scene in Ireland and how do you think the Alternative Fashion Fest will be received?
I’ll be honest - I’m a bit behind on all Irish scenes - particularly the alt scene. I look at the UK and sigh at the amount of plus size and alternative events that they have, and I feel like Ireland is a little behind. I do think things are getting better, and through blogging I have found quite a few alt people in Limerick, and we have bonded over a love of all things weird and wonderful. I hope Alternative Fashion Fest sparks a movement in Ireland, I really do. I would love to see a culture where people are just cool with how others want to be, and everyone’s difference is celebrated. I want to see more people loving themselves and their bodies. I want to open an article and see a fat tattooed babe rocking an awesome outfit - because that is an image I never saw as an awkward teenager, and I wish I had, because it would have helped me love myself more.
I think we need more accurate representation of people of all shapes, sizes, colours, abilities, tattooed, untattooed, hairy, bald, f*ck it, just as many “other” people as you can think of. We’ve all seen the perfect specimens - we know what they look like. Now is the time for diversity in society and to show people it’s okay to look like you - whatever version of you that you want to be. I’m so excited for Alternative Fashion Fest, I really am.
What are your hopes for the future?
You know what, I have been so surprised by the outpouring of love and support I’ve had since I’ve started blogging. Rebelle-ution is only a year old and I’ve been so fortunate with the positivity I have received. I would love that to continue! The ultimate goal would be to make this my full time job - imagine being paid to tell people they are f*cking awesome all day long! Oh, and to have my own book published - that’s when I’ll know I’ve made it! When someone decides they love what I do so much that they are willing to let me have my own book.
Those are pipe dreams though - for now I’m elated to have my own little corner of the internet so share my feminist rantings, ravings, glittery unicorn moments, anxiety meltdowns and dating disasters with people. It keeps me sane-ish. So for as long as the world needs it, I will be right here - a little body positive super hero - fighting body bashing and telling people that they are amazing, and telling Basics to go and f*ck off!
